I've been twisting my brains to come up with an ending for a story I've been trying to write. I just can't seem to find the perfect ending. So, i decided to chuck it and do it another time. Twenty minutes later and 3 chicken rolls later, i wanted to write another story. Wasn't thinking of anything but i just wanted to create a story. I sleep better when i know that I've written some awesome shit.
I sat playing with the drawer on my desk for about fifteen minutes before i took out a pen and paper and finally got down to writing. OK, so I've got a fresh new piece of paper, a brand new pen, it's raining outside and i can still taste the chicken in my mouth ( and the cigarette). Perfect conditions to start writing. Begin. Ah, hmmm, Ahem, Okay, brrr, blah, burp, argh!
Blank. Completely blank. Nothing at all. The paper staring at me like a virgin cunt. Suddenly i was having a mental conversation with the paper.
Paper: Take me, put that blue pen on my lines and splash it with ink.
Me: uhh?
Paper: I'm waiting to feel the hardness of that tip on my soft, soft surface. Take out your shiny pen and ink me.
Me: uhh?
Paper: What are you ? Fucking dumb? Write you asshole. I'm not going to color myself.
Me: Sigh. I can't do it.
I put the paper back in the drawer and decided to go to bed. Guess, I'm just stressing myself out too much. Maybe tomorrow I'll be able to write something. I lay there and stare at the ceiling for a while, then the fan, then the clock, then the walls. Great! I can't sleep.
That's when the windchime hanging near the bathroom door caught my eye. I started staring at it. The spiral colors were somehow making me happy. That's when i started thinking about where i got it from and then i started thinking about that time, i was in Bangalore. I had just had lunch with my sister and was walking up to Brigade road with a friend. I stopped at the huge handicrafts store because i saw something trippy. This hand-made spiral wooden windchime with rainbow colors was hanging there. I needed to have it. It was too trippy.
I smiled after thinking about that day. I slowly closed my eyes, feeling a lot more relaxed. My mind was slowly shutting down. But wait, that's it. I don't need to create a story tonight. I don't need to create random characters or interesting story-lines. I had found an interesting source of inspiration.
Things around your house can inspire you. Not in a spiritual way but, artistically. Each object, each material thing around your house has a story behind it. It can be something as stupid as walking on Brigade road and feeling excited about some windchime which only you think is trippy. It makes you realize that all these things you own are story-tellers in one way or the other. I look at the stickers on my cupboard and think about the time i was in Pondicherry, i look at my homemade cola can ashtray and think about the time when we drank so much alcohol in a month, we had to rest for three days just to get up.
Every artist goes through a phase when they think that they are just not inspired enough to create something. They start looking for inspiration in other people's work, nature, books, internet and any other place possible. I don't know if anyone knows this but there are so many stories behind normal everyday things around us. You just need to look around you rather than go out and search for something you don't know about. Look at the things on your desk, the things next to your bed. Try to remember where you got them from or who you were with when you got them. These things will seriously make you think about shit you never thought of before (or maybe you have but not that well). Now that the things around have inspired me, i think It's time i re-create the stories behind each one of them.
Stop staring at your screen. Didn't your folks tell you that it's rude to stare?
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Too much thinking.
It's 5:00 A.M. and i just completed my first screenplay on my own. I have no idea how i went through with it. Most of you who know me, know me for being extremely lazy and it takes a lot to get me up and get moving. I wrote an entire screenplay! By myself. With a pen and 6 pages, i wrote it. I can't seem to describe how proud i feel. It's so overwhelming. After 4 hours of non-stop writing, I'm sitting here in my empty house, staring at those pages. That screenplay i just created, is going to be a movie someday. Maybe not soon but one day, many people will watch it and it'll have my name on it.
Now, I'm sure all of you know, i can't tell you something i did and just end it there. No. I need to tell you what goes on in my brain. And it's not going to be different this time, there are so many things running in my head right now. I somehow always start reminiscing when i achieve something or do something that i couldn't do a year ago.
A year ago, i never imagined that i would ever be able to write a screenplay. And excuse me, it's not just some stupid scribbling. It's a proper screenplay. If a director picked it up, he would know exactly how to shoot each scene. The amount of detailing and thinking that has gone into the screenplay is brilliant. I'm amused myself that i could even write something like this.
But one thing is for sure, i would have never gotten into learning films formally if it wasn't for a few people. Everyone has idols and influences in their life. I met or heard of mine quite recently. I'll start with the major influences and end with the most important people who have taught and introduced me to the world of cinema and the art of film-making.
My biggest influences
Francis Ford Coppola- Ever since this guy made The Godfather. He has been my ultimate source of learning. Those shots of Al Pacino sitting on the sofa with his legs crossed, just blew my mind. Adapting a book on screen is the most difficult thing to do. No matter how good your film is, the book is always better. For obvious reasons. But, Coppola nailed the movie so hard, it created this wave for the author and actors associated with the film. Coppola, You the man.
Akira Kurosawa- Coppola's good friend and Japanese filmmaker, Kurosawa is another fav of mine. This guy knows how to mindfuck people. I can't say much about him because i'm still exploring his films. Just watched Rashomon for the 29th time and it still mindfucks me. Only Kurosawa can do that.
Stanley Kubrik- Most 20 year olds( it still hasn't hit me) might have wallpapers of chicks with big boobs or cars or bikes or even their favorite bands but my wallpapers are filled with Clockwork Orange posters and artwork. I can't seem to get enough of them. An another mind-blowing director, another awesome visionary. He's kinda perverted though.
Tim Burton- What can i say about this guy? From his first short film to his last feature length, I've always wanted to make a movie like Tim Burton. The darkness, the eerie themes, the wicked characters, the rhymes. It all comes together so beautifully. Twisted fucker he is. Alice In Wonderland made me feel very sad. Bloody Disney!
Quentin Tarantino- Another twisted fucker. This guy is mentally unstable, how do you explain him writing stories like Pulp Fiction and Kill Bill. He's like the mad scientist of cinema. Can you believe i hadn't watched Pulp Fiction until 2008 ? What was i doing? AGRH!
Anurag Kashyap- Closer home, this guy proved that the Hindi film industry isn't all about stupid lame love songs and family movies. With movies like No smoking and Dev D. He became my favorite Indian film-maker in modern times.
Vishal Bharadwaj- India's own twisted fucker. Adapting Shakespeare's Othello in a Indian village is just bloody genius. Kaminey has shades of Tarantino. Keep em coming man. Take it up a notch.
There are many more awesome film-makers i might have not added but these have been my most major influences and idols. I look up to these guys and hope to achieve half of what any of these guys have achieved.
On a more personal level, there are a few people who have made an impact on my life, these people have not only taught me about films but also have been constant supporters in everything i wanted to do.
For starters,Pranav K. or Pk as he prefers to be called is the the dude who showed me how to hold a camera and what a storyboard looks like. If it wasn't for him, i would be still learning about character building and scene sequences. It's not like he used to tutor me, it was all random. We used to be smoking somewhere and he'd tell me about some new technique he figured out, and talks about cinema and how a film-maker should think like. All this I've learned from Pk. He's the reason i know my shit now. Thanks man.
My H.O.D Shivdarshan Kadam. Yes, it's his job to teach me but he's shared with me so many things that no teacher will teach you in a class. He's freaking ready to do anything for you if you have the will. He's my mentor and someone i look up to. He makes sure that whatever I'm doing turns into something spectacular. I still have so much to learn from him . He knows the kind of shit I'm into and knows how to help me get it. I mean it, he's the most awesomest H.O.D ever. I mean we smoke in class, how cool is that?
Pia- She might not know this but she's the reason I've gotten so passionate about everything i do right now. She's my first critic, always hearing my weird, random and sometimes dumb stories. She's the one who put me in the right track and pushed me to do so many things. If it wasn't for her. I'd still be stuck somewhere. We even wrote a story together. Which i will complete and dedicate to her. I mean it.
My Dad- Pops might not be a genius when it comes to film-making but he says and does things that just makes me realize what i need in my film. He's read most of my stories and always tells me it's crap. That just makes me want to rip things apart and scream at him but he's made sure someone is there to tell me that i can't always be right.
All these people are a huge part of my life and hope that someday, when i make my first feature length film, they'll be there to help me.
Okay, too much drama happening here. I need to stop thinking so much. Stupid brain.
“Alright Brain, you don't like me, and I don't like you. But lets just do this, and I can get back to killing you with beer.”
- Homer Simpson
Now, I'm sure all of you know, i can't tell you something i did and just end it there. No. I need to tell you what goes on in my brain. And it's not going to be different this time, there are so many things running in my head right now. I somehow always start reminiscing when i achieve something or do something that i couldn't do a year ago.
A year ago, i never imagined that i would ever be able to write a screenplay. And excuse me, it's not just some stupid scribbling. It's a proper screenplay. If a director picked it up, he would know exactly how to shoot each scene. The amount of detailing and thinking that has gone into the screenplay is brilliant. I'm amused myself that i could even write something like this.
But one thing is for sure, i would have never gotten into learning films formally if it wasn't for a few people. Everyone has idols and influences in their life. I met or heard of mine quite recently. I'll start with the major influences and end with the most important people who have taught and introduced me to the world of cinema and the art of film-making.
My biggest influences
Francis Ford Coppola- Ever since this guy made The Godfather. He has been my ultimate source of learning. Those shots of Al Pacino sitting on the sofa with his legs crossed, just blew my mind. Adapting a book on screen is the most difficult thing to do. No matter how good your film is, the book is always better. For obvious reasons. But, Coppola nailed the movie so hard, it created this wave for the author and actors associated with the film. Coppola, You the man.
Akira Kurosawa- Coppola's good friend and Japanese filmmaker, Kurosawa is another fav of mine. This guy knows how to mindfuck people. I can't say much about him because i'm still exploring his films. Just watched Rashomon for the 29th time and it still mindfucks me. Only Kurosawa can do that.
Stanley Kubrik- Most 20 year olds( it still hasn't hit me) might have wallpapers of chicks with big boobs or cars or bikes or even their favorite bands but my wallpapers are filled with Clockwork Orange posters and artwork. I can't seem to get enough of them. An another mind-blowing director, another awesome visionary. He's kinda perverted though.
Tim Burton- What can i say about this guy? From his first short film to his last feature length, I've always wanted to make a movie like Tim Burton. The darkness, the eerie themes, the wicked characters, the rhymes. It all comes together so beautifully. Twisted fucker he is. Alice In Wonderland made me feel very sad. Bloody Disney!
Quentin Tarantino- Another twisted fucker. This guy is mentally unstable, how do you explain him writing stories like Pulp Fiction and Kill Bill. He's like the mad scientist of cinema. Can you believe i hadn't watched Pulp Fiction until 2008 ? What was i doing? AGRH!
Anurag Kashyap- Closer home, this guy proved that the Hindi film industry isn't all about stupid lame love songs and family movies. With movies like No smoking and Dev D. He became my favorite Indian film-maker in modern times.
Vishal Bharadwaj- India's own twisted fucker. Adapting Shakespeare's Othello in a Indian village is just bloody genius. Kaminey has shades of Tarantino. Keep em coming man. Take it up a notch.
There are many more awesome film-makers i might have not added but these have been my most major influences and idols. I look up to these guys and hope to achieve half of what any of these guys have achieved.
On a more personal level, there are a few people who have made an impact on my life, these people have not only taught me about films but also have been constant supporters in everything i wanted to do.
For starters,Pranav K. or Pk as he prefers to be called is the the dude who showed me how to hold a camera and what a storyboard looks like. If it wasn't for him, i would be still learning about character building and scene sequences. It's not like he used to tutor me, it was all random. We used to be smoking somewhere and he'd tell me about some new technique he figured out, and talks about cinema and how a film-maker should think like. All this I've learned from Pk. He's the reason i know my shit now. Thanks man.
My H.O.D Shivdarshan Kadam. Yes, it's his job to teach me but he's shared with me so many things that no teacher will teach you in a class. He's freaking ready to do anything for you if you have the will. He's my mentor and someone i look up to. He makes sure that whatever I'm doing turns into something spectacular. I still have so much to learn from him . He knows the kind of shit I'm into and knows how to help me get it. I mean it, he's the most awesomest H.O.D ever. I mean we smoke in class, how cool is that?
Pia- She might not know this but she's the reason I've gotten so passionate about everything i do right now. She's my first critic, always hearing my weird, random and sometimes dumb stories. She's the one who put me in the right track and pushed me to do so many things. If it wasn't for her. I'd still be stuck somewhere. We even wrote a story together. Which i will complete and dedicate to her. I mean it.
My Dad- Pops might not be a genius when it comes to film-making but he says and does things that just makes me realize what i need in my film. He's read most of my stories and always tells me it's crap. That just makes me want to rip things apart and scream at him but he's made sure someone is there to tell me that i can't always be right.
All these people are a huge part of my life and hope that someday, when i make my first feature length film, they'll be there to help me.
Okay, too much drama happening here. I need to stop thinking so much. Stupid brain.
“Alright Brain, you don't like me, and I don't like you. But lets just do this, and I can get back to killing you with beer.”
- Homer Simpson
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
The World is Round, She will be found.
When i first moved to Pune, i felt lost, lonely and very irritated with the fact that i was stuck in this city for another 3 years. Why i chose this city in the first place bothered me. I won't say much but it was for a girl. Now after a few months of understanding Pune and the people here, i learned to live with the fact that this is home now and i have to embrace it. I go to a college which doesn't have any interesting people. No offence guys but i'm very selective about the people i hang out with. It's just my nature.
Let me describe my perfect girl- Aggresive, dog lover, loves Morrison, lives to eat and someone who won't go blow some other guy behind my back. That's all i ask. Too much ?
Anyway,
One obvious fact about Pune- It has only 38% of local population (i.e.Marathi). The rest being 20% North Indians,10% Tamilians, 14% Telugus, 10% Keralites ( They're freaking everywhere), 8% Europeans (Koregaon Park), 5% Africans, 2% Bengalis and 6% a mixture of all races. Now for a single guy like me, it shouldn't be hard to find a nice decent girl out of these.
As i mentioned, i'm very choosy about people around me so let's break it down.
Marathi- Don't really know about them or their culture that much but they are a fun bunch of people. Though there are only a few i could get along with. I have not yet met a Marathi girl who i can have a fun conversation with.
North Indians- No comments.
Tamilians- Haven't come across one YET. But, i'm looking forward to meeting one. They're fun and at least i'll have something to talk to them about. Chennai being the Jamaica of India.
Telegus- I have a lot of friends who are Telegaites ( Is that the right spelling?). First of all, their food is just awesome. If i had a Telegaite as a girlfriend, i'd be eating at her place everyday.
Mallus- Now, my mom would be the happiest if i hooked up with a mallu but it just ruins the entire equation. I'm "half" mallu. Quite like it that way.
Europeans- They're weird. Period. Maybe a one night stand but i don't think i can get into a relationship with one. Hey, that's just me. You might get a boner watching a blonde wash a car. I'm into Brunettes.
Africans- Hell yeah! But then again, i haven't encountered one yet.
Bengalis- Nope. Nothing there. Fish and mishti ? Not my thing.
6% of mixed races- Very unlikely.
Now all this thinking somehow doesn't make sense. There's no need to go so in depth and get so passionate about finding a nice girl to talk to. Is there?
I had lost all hopes of finding the perfect woman for me. Played the field, got tired, gave up.
But then- 2 nights ago, when the rains had just hit the city, i decided to take a walk and go to my favorite restaurant for dinner. It was a peaceful walk, i put on my headphones, got my pack of smokes and just walked. I walked past the line of roadside cafes, the bakeries, and walked past loads of other shit which is irrelevant. What the fuck am i on about what's there on the road. *Smoke Break*
And we're back. So it was a peaceful walk, the weather was awesome and suddenly i felt like I'm going to meet her tonight. Just an intuition. The feeling was so strong. I just knew that after 6 months of living alone, in the city, I'm finally going to meet her tonight. I stepped into the rooftop restaurant and placed myself at my regular table. I made a few calls, because i was bored. I hate eating alone.
The waiter( who is called Elvis) recommended something which i didn't quite hear that well. So he went away as i continued with my phone calls. I hung up, lit a smoke and waited for Elvis to bring me my beer and food. And then, And then, There she was. GASP!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
TO BE CONTINUED! Hahahah Suckers!
Let me describe my perfect girl- Aggresive, dog lover, loves Morrison, lives to eat and someone who won't go blow some other guy behind my back. That's all i ask. Too much ?
Anyway,
One obvious fact about Pune- It has only 38% of local population (i.e.Marathi). The rest being 20% North Indians,10% Tamilians, 14% Telugus, 10% Keralites ( They're freaking everywhere), 8% Europeans (Koregaon Park), 5% Africans, 2% Bengalis and 6% a mixture of all races. Now for a single guy like me, it shouldn't be hard to find a nice decent girl out of these.
As i mentioned, i'm very choosy about people around me so let's break it down.
Marathi- Don't really know about them or their culture that much but they are a fun bunch of people. Though there are only a few i could get along with. I have not yet met a Marathi girl who i can have a fun conversation with.
North Indians- No comments.
Tamilians- Haven't come across one YET. But, i'm looking forward to meeting one. They're fun and at least i'll have something to talk to them about. Chennai being the Jamaica of India.
Telegus- I have a lot of friends who are Telegaites ( Is that the right spelling?). First of all, their food is just awesome. If i had a Telegaite as a girlfriend, i'd be eating at her place everyday.
Mallus- Now, my mom would be the happiest if i hooked up with a mallu but it just ruins the entire equation. I'm "half" mallu. Quite like it that way.
Europeans- They're weird. Period. Maybe a one night stand but i don't think i can get into a relationship with one. Hey, that's just me. You might get a boner watching a blonde wash a car. I'm into Brunettes.
Africans- Hell yeah! But then again, i haven't encountered one yet.
Bengalis- Nope. Nothing there. Fish and mishti ? Not my thing.
6% of mixed races- Very unlikely.
Now all this thinking somehow doesn't make sense. There's no need to go so in depth and get so passionate about finding a nice girl to talk to. Is there?
I had lost all hopes of finding the perfect woman for me. Played the field, got tired, gave up.
But then- 2 nights ago, when the rains had just hit the city, i decided to take a walk and go to my favorite restaurant for dinner. It was a peaceful walk, i put on my headphones, got my pack of smokes and just walked. I walked past the line of roadside cafes, the bakeries, and walked past loads of other shit which is irrelevant. What the fuck am i on about what's there on the road. *Smoke Break*
And we're back. So it was a peaceful walk, the weather was awesome and suddenly i felt like I'm going to meet her tonight. Just an intuition. The feeling was so strong. I just knew that after 6 months of living alone, in the city, I'm finally going to meet her tonight. I stepped into the rooftop restaurant and placed myself at my regular table. I made a few calls, because i was bored. I hate eating alone.
The waiter( who is called Elvis) recommended something which i didn't quite hear that well. So he went away as i continued with my phone calls. I hung up, lit a smoke and waited for Elvis to bring me my beer and food. And then, And then, There she was. GASP!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
TO BE CONTINUED! Hahahah Suckers!
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Candle Flame
Got a game.
Wanna play?
What's it called.
Candle Flame.
Never heard of it.
How do you play?
Step 1. Candle lit
Step 2. Blow away.
That's stupid and pointless.
It's not even a game...
But i think I'll play
Nonetheless.
It's not as easy
As it seems
I want you to play
Just to show me.
AND STOP. *screech* This is where i lost interest and got bored. This is my limit of rhyming. I aint no black guy. Na meen?
Anyway, the so called "Candle Flame" game is really simple to play. You can play it all by yourself and it's definitely not something you should play when you're drunk or stoned (whatever makes you happy). Why you ask ? Because you're messed up bro/sista. OK i seriously need to stop with the black slang. Let's move on shall we?
The Game
Light a candle and just blow. But before you blow, think of the things in your life you do/use/stuff/think everyday which you can actually live without. Think how your life would be without these things or feelings. Example:- Cars, Perfumes, Money, TV etc.
To explain better, I'm going to tell you what i did. I lit a candle and before blowing it away, i closed my eyes, thought about how an entire day would go without smoking, drinking, my not-so-cool phone. Now the aim is, i will blow the flame only when I'm completely sure that i can live without these things. That means i can blow out the candle when i know for sure, like a million percent sure i can quit smoking and drinking and live like a saint. Right? I might as well grow a beard, wear some saffron cloth and go live in a forest.
But then i thought i should try it out for a day at least to test out the "game". So, i went an entire day without drinking, smoking. I lit the candle at exactly 7 a.m and i was going to blow it off only when i was absolutely sure. The smoking was easy to control and the drinking to some extent, but I lasted only a few hours before i gave up and opened up my laptop to play The Doors and light up.
What is the entire point of this thing?
It made me realize a lot of things though. Yes, i gave up. That is because i have no control over my thoughts. There are many things all of us do everyday we don't know why we do. We don't realize that we can't function without having some form of intoxication or technology (Same thing actually). What is this craving for something to distract us from doing something, achieving something?
How many of us can actually divide our needs and wants? Most of us think our wants are our needs and our needs are our wants. In the end, it all comes down to how much or how many wants versus needs. Think about it, look around. How much of the stuff lying around you do you actually need? NEED. Not want, need.
Sort out your trash and don't take everything for granted just because you have an unlimited supply of flashy, shiny things coming from a source called D.A.D. I'm not asking you to do anything. Just think about it.
Go ahead, now blow away that candle.
Wanna play?
What's it called.
Candle Flame.
Never heard of it.
How do you play?
Step 1. Candle lit
Step 2. Blow away.
That's stupid and pointless.
It's not even a game...
But i think I'll play
Nonetheless.
It's not as easy
As it seems
I want you to play
Just to show me.
AND STOP. *screech* This is where i lost interest and got bored. This is my limit of rhyming. I aint no black guy. Na meen?
Anyway, the so called "Candle Flame" game is really simple to play. You can play it all by yourself and it's definitely not something you should play when you're drunk or stoned (whatever makes you happy). Why you ask ? Because you're messed up bro/sista. OK i seriously need to stop with the black slang. Let's move on shall we?
The Game
Light a candle and just blow. But before you blow, think of the things in your life you do/use/stuff/think everyday which you can actually live without. Think how your life would be without these things or feelings. Example:- Cars, Perfumes, Money, TV etc.
To explain better, I'm going to tell you what i did. I lit a candle and before blowing it away, i closed my eyes, thought about how an entire day would go without smoking, drinking, my not-so-cool phone. Now the aim is, i will blow the flame only when I'm completely sure that i can live without these things. That means i can blow out the candle when i know for sure, like a million percent sure i can quit smoking and drinking and live like a saint. Right? I might as well grow a beard, wear some saffron cloth and go live in a forest.
But then i thought i should try it out for a day at least to test out the "game". So, i went an entire day without drinking, smoking. I lit the candle at exactly 7 a.m and i was going to blow it off only when i was absolutely sure. The smoking was easy to control and the drinking to some extent, but I lasted only a few hours before i gave up and opened up my laptop to play The Doors and light up.
What is the entire point of this thing?
It made me realize a lot of things though. Yes, i gave up. That is because i have no control over my thoughts. There are many things all of us do everyday we don't know why we do. We don't realize that we can't function without having some form of intoxication or technology (Same thing actually). What is this craving for something to distract us from doing something, achieving something?
How many of us can actually divide our needs and wants? Most of us think our wants are our needs and our needs are our wants. In the end, it all comes down to how much or how many wants versus needs. Think about it, look around. How much of the stuff lying around you do you actually need? NEED. Not want, need.
Sort out your trash and don't take everything for granted just because you have an unlimited supply of flashy, shiny things coming from a source called D.A.D. I'm not asking you to do anything. Just think about it.
Go ahead, now blow away that candle.
Monday, February 1, 2010
February Stars.
Before you read i must warn you that this post might not make sense. Let me explain. My brain is not working. It's under construction right now, just look at the time will you? I can't seem to write anything interesting, I've been writing nonsense and burning it away almost everyday, so i got frustrated and asked the music to write for me. Even the title is a song. So,I set my iTunes on shuffle and this is what it came up with. I should try this again. What do you think ? Should i stay or should i go and Rock the Casbah ??
Don't look away, this razor will remind you of the cold day in the sun.
You're not the quiet one, you're the one who wants to come get some.
This is when you breakout and wipe out your club foot.
Ride across the blue jay way because you are. You are alright.
Your love is a lie and it says so in my sundial.
And trust me, when it comes, you won't be anything but an ignorant swan.
Why am i so obsessed with you ? You're just skin and bones.
You're just another fluorescent adolescent who can't even feel the pressure even when i say baby it's you, i need you.
But seems like we were meant to fade together, i was in between.
You're just going to be your own little acid queen.
But maybe someday, i will possess your heart and maybe someday the double talk will get through to you.
And on that new day, it will all come together, end over end.
I need that miracle cure, but baby don't you do it.
Just think of the magic bus and that talk show on mute. Do it for me now.
We've traveled a long road to ruin our time out on the street and this time we won't get fooled again.
Always remember that I'd do anything for you, and even though I've been away in my tree, in your honor I have made a paradise city.
And i wait for you here, like a stone staring at cobwebs and the strange.
And when I'm sixty four with agoraphobia, I'll think to myself, it's times like these i should say to myself, it's okay.
It's all la la la lies.
But you are like a bookend that i should have never fiddled around and screw up the moonlight drives.
But, in the morning, i know I'll have peace of mind and enough space to come back to you.
We'll have our special conversations again because that was just your life.
Tonight, i dare you, dare you to tell me that your duality is under comatose.
You've been in hiding for too long now, made me feel like an alien and cropduster who has been in chains for much too much.
I can now feel the envy, recall the times you called me Jimmy,
and after all that, I'm just a marker in the sand.
Now i surrender and I want to go home. Freedom to me only can mean only one thing. If we're happy together.
If you'll be the angel on my bike and not just a crow left of the murder.
If you were living then why didn't you come save me too ?
I couldn't have missed you, i had my eyes open all the time.
Open just to imagine our summer romance and our amazing journey only to discover the best of you.
Don't look away, this razor will remind you of the cold day in the sun.
You're not the quiet one, you're the one who wants to come get some.
This is when you breakout and wipe out your club foot.
Ride across the blue jay way because you are. You are alright.
Your love is a lie and it says so in my sundial.
And trust me, when it comes, you won't be anything but an ignorant swan.
Why am i so obsessed with you ? You're just skin and bones.
You're just another fluorescent adolescent who can't even feel the pressure even when i say baby it's you, i need you.
But seems like we were meant to fade together, i was in between.
You're just going to be your own little acid queen.
But maybe someday, i will possess your heart and maybe someday the double talk will get through to you.
And on that new day, it will all come together, end over end.
I need that miracle cure, but baby don't you do it.
Just think of the magic bus and that talk show on mute. Do it for me now.
We've traveled a long road to ruin our time out on the street and this time we won't get fooled again.
Always remember that I'd do anything for you, and even though I've been away in my tree, in your honor I have made a paradise city.
And i wait for you here, like a stone staring at cobwebs and the strange.
And when I'm sixty four with agoraphobia, I'll think to myself, it's times like these i should say to myself, it's okay.
It's all la la la lies.
But you are like a bookend that i should have never fiddled around and screw up the moonlight drives.
But, in the morning, i know I'll have peace of mind and enough space to come back to you.
We'll have our special conversations again because that was just your life.
Tonight, i dare you, dare you to tell me that your duality is under comatose.
You've been in hiding for too long now, made me feel like an alien and cropduster who has been in chains for much too much.
I can now feel the envy, recall the times you called me Jimmy,
and after all that, I'm just a marker in the sand.
Now i surrender and I want to go home. Freedom to me only can mean only one thing. If we're happy together.
If you'll be the angel on my bike and not just a crow left of the murder.
If you were living then why didn't you come save me too ?
I couldn't have missed you, i had my eyes open all the time.
Open just to imagine our summer romance and our amazing journey only to discover the best of you.
Monday, December 28, 2009
The one that got away.
First and foremost, i am no longer unemployed. I got a job(Finally) at The Times Of India and it's been awesome so far. So, while i was out on an assignment last week, interviewing the college folks about their new year plans and the works, there was this one girl who got me into this weird thinking mode. My job was to ask them about their new year plans and had to quote them in the next supplement along with their pictures. Everything was going well, and by 8 p.m. i already had more than what i was asked to do. I was just finishing my last interview when, the girl i was interviewing asked me what i was doing for new years and what i did last year! That kind of got me thinking about how so much has changed in just 12 months. With the year 2010 a few days away, the thoughts of the entire fucked up, nice, sad, happy 2009 creep inside my head.
I tried asking myself the same questions, I've been asking everyone
1. What are your plans for new years?
2. House parties or night out?
3. Perfect new year.
4. What did you do last year ?
The answers to these questions didn't come out as quickly as i thought they would. It got me into this mode where everything was suddenly in slow motion and my thoughts were racing. I got home at about 10 and decided to write down the answers one by one and here's how it went.
Answer No. 1
Haven't planned anything yet but will mostly be in Bangalore. Want to meet only a few people that night, don't want to be pub-hopping either. A killer house party would do the trick. The booze, food and of course Bangalore air.
Answer No. 2
House party. Period.
Answer no. 4
This is where i got really fucked up. My last new year wasn't any average night. It's not something that happens to you every night and especially not on new years eve. Let me start from the beginning so you understand the entire scene.
DATE 31 DECEMBER, 2008
TIME: 2 P.M.
I wake up with my mom constantly banging her fist on my door, i get up and see her standing there with some bags and suddenly, she asks me to pack for 2 days. The family road trip you see. The entire family suddenly decide that they should bond and everyone packs their bags, hires some huge ass cars and decide to drive down to Bandipur where a huge guest with a fireplace awaits them. Nice plan but i didn't want to go. Not because it was with family but i had made other plans with HER (her = love.) I don't want to use her name right now, so cock up.
TIME: 4 P.M.
It took me a lot of time and energy to convince my parents that i don't want to come and that I'm sick and i feel weak and made up some loads of other shit. They finally got pissed and irritated with me and left. I wasn't feeling that great about ditching them but i had no choice. I had promised her that we would be together for new years.
TIME : 4.30 P.M
With my parent's out of the house, i called her up. She didn't answer. So, i dialed again, and after repeated attempts, she answers the call and before i could ask her why she didn't answer my call, i heard her sneeze and i figured she was sleeping or sick. She tells me that she's down with fever, cold, cough and body pain. Her mom and brother are out of town and she doesn't get along with her dad that well. So i told, her that i'd pick her up and asked take her to the doc and get her some dinner later. She wanted to sleep for a while, so i hung up and let her sleep.
TIME: 6.45 P.M
I was getting worried about her being all alone and i knew she feels like shit if her mom was not around at times like these. While, i was thinking of what to do, the phone starts ringing. The "guys" are going for a party and asking me to come along, supposedly one of the best parties in town with free booze. It was tempting but i knew i had a very sick and upset girlfriend whom i couldn't ditch in the state she was in and go party my ass off. It's just not right.
TIME: 8 P.M
She calls me to tell me that she just woke up and that there's nothing to eat at home and she's really hungry. I tell her to hold on for a while, wear my jacket, start my bike and start heading towards her place. I reach her place as soon as i can and pick her up.
TIME: 8.30 P.M
I stand outside her gate and give her a call. The everyday scene, she hangs up and i wait for her to come down. I always loved that one moment. I would be sitting on my bike and watch her get out of her house and walk towards me. I just loved those moments. She usually gives me a goofy smile but tonight i was greeted with a sad, running nose smile. i hugged her tight and never felt warmer in my life, but it turned out to be her fever.
TIME: 10 P.M
We reach home after picking up some dinner and a bottle of beer. She said she didn't want the night to go entirely for a waste. "We'll have a beer at least. I'm feeling bad you can't go out because of me" she said. I would have felt bad but at that one moment, it didn't matter. I just wanted to be with her, no matter what we were doing. Yes, that's corny. So shut the fuck up..
TIME: 11 P.M
we had dinner together, she drank a little beer, watched some tv and was already feeling a bit tired. I gave her a back massage, made her pop her medics, and put her to bed. I held her close and patted her to sleep, she fell asleep in a few minutes. I was still patting her when i saw her face. Her body was burning with fever and i couldn't do anything but just watch her sleep. I just looked at her sleep for about an hour than got up to watch some tv. I couldn't sleep.
TIME: 12 A.M
Happy fraking new year Mr. Depp. They were showing Pirates as a new year special, so i said happy new year to him. Oh, and Mr. Calsberg. I finish my beer, switch off the tv and decide to get back into bed. I slowly slip in afraid, i might wake her, which i didn't want to, but i eventually did with all my shuffling and tossing.
She opened her eyes and looked at me trying to figure out which side of the blanket i wanted and in all that "major" confusion, she says- " HAPPY NEW YEAR, BABY" and plants this enormous kiss on me. That's all i needed. She then gave me the smile i needed, kissed me once again, hugged me tight and fell asleep. I was just lying there right next to her, smiling, and watching her fall asleep all over again. And, that's how i celebrated New Year 2009.
Now, the answer to question no. 3.
What is your perfect new year?
.
.
.
SAME AS ABOVE.
I tried asking myself the same questions, I've been asking everyone
1. What are your plans for new years?
2. House parties or night out?
3. Perfect new year.
4. What did you do last year ?
The answers to these questions didn't come out as quickly as i thought they would. It got me into this mode where everything was suddenly in slow motion and my thoughts were racing. I got home at about 10 and decided to write down the answers one by one and here's how it went.
Answer No. 1
Haven't planned anything yet but will mostly be in Bangalore. Want to meet only a few people that night, don't want to be pub-hopping either. A killer house party would do the trick. The booze, food and of course Bangalore air.
Answer No. 2
House party. Period.
Answer no. 4
This is where i got really fucked up. My last new year wasn't any average night. It's not something that happens to you every night and especially not on new years eve. Let me start from the beginning so you understand the entire scene.
DATE 31 DECEMBER, 2008
TIME: 2 P.M.
I wake up with my mom constantly banging her fist on my door, i get up and see her standing there with some bags and suddenly, she asks me to pack for 2 days. The family road trip you see. The entire family suddenly decide that they should bond and everyone packs their bags, hires some huge ass cars and decide to drive down to Bandipur where a huge guest with a fireplace awaits them. Nice plan but i didn't want to go. Not because it was with family but i had made other plans with HER (her = love.) I don't want to use her name right now, so cock up.
TIME: 4 P.M.
It took me a lot of time and energy to convince my parents that i don't want to come and that I'm sick and i feel weak and made up some loads of other shit. They finally got pissed and irritated with me and left. I wasn't feeling that great about ditching them but i had no choice. I had promised her that we would be together for new years.
TIME : 4.30 P.M
With my parent's out of the house, i called her up. She didn't answer. So, i dialed again, and after repeated attempts, she answers the call and before i could ask her why she didn't answer my call, i heard her sneeze and i figured she was sleeping or sick. She tells me that she's down with fever, cold, cough and body pain. Her mom and brother are out of town and she doesn't get along with her dad that well. So i told, her that i'd pick her up and asked take her to the doc and get her some dinner later. She wanted to sleep for a while, so i hung up and let her sleep.
TIME: 6.45 P.M
I was getting worried about her being all alone and i knew she feels like shit if her mom was not around at times like these. While, i was thinking of what to do, the phone starts ringing. The "guys" are going for a party and asking me to come along, supposedly one of the best parties in town with free booze. It was tempting but i knew i had a very sick and upset girlfriend whom i couldn't ditch in the state she was in and go party my ass off. It's just not right.
TIME: 8 P.M
She calls me to tell me that she just woke up and that there's nothing to eat at home and she's really hungry. I tell her to hold on for a while, wear my jacket, start my bike and start heading towards her place. I reach her place as soon as i can and pick her up.
TIME: 8.30 P.M
I stand outside her gate and give her a call. The everyday scene, she hangs up and i wait for her to come down. I always loved that one moment. I would be sitting on my bike and watch her get out of her house and walk towards me. I just loved those moments. She usually gives me a goofy smile but tonight i was greeted with a sad, running nose smile. i hugged her tight and never felt warmer in my life, but it turned out to be her fever.
TIME: 10 P.M
We reach home after picking up some dinner and a bottle of beer. She said she didn't want the night to go entirely for a waste. "We'll have a beer at least. I'm feeling bad you can't go out because of me" she said. I would have felt bad but at that one moment, it didn't matter. I just wanted to be with her, no matter what we were doing. Yes, that's corny. So shut the fuck up..
TIME: 11 P.M
we had dinner together, she drank a little beer, watched some tv and was already feeling a bit tired. I gave her a back massage, made her pop her medics, and put her to bed. I held her close and patted her to sleep, she fell asleep in a few minutes. I was still patting her when i saw her face. Her body was burning with fever and i couldn't do anything but just watch her sleep. I just looked at her sleep for about an hour than got up to watch some tv. I couldn't sleep.
TIME: 12 A.M
Happy fraking new year Mr. Depp. They were showing Pirates as a new year special, so i said happy new year to him. Oh, and Mr. Calsberg. I finish my beer, switch off the tv and decide to get back into bed. I slowly slip in afraid, i might wake her, which i didn't want to, but i eventually did with all my shuffling and tossing.
She opened her eyes and looked at me trying to figure out which side of the blanket i wanted and in all that "major" confusion, she says- " HAPPY NEW YEAR, BABY" and plants this enormous kiss on me. That's all i needed. She then gave me the smile i needed, kissed me once again, hugged me tight and fell asleep. I was just lying there right next to her, smiling, and watching her fall asleep all over again. And, that's how i celebrated New Year 2009.
Now, the answer to question no. 3.
What is your perfect new year?
.
.
.
SAME AS ABOVE.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Bitter-sweet
Yawn! It's just about to turn 11 p.m. as i try to find my phone to order dinner. I can't stop yawning and my stomach is warning me to eat or it's going to do the Houdini on me. I frantically try to find my phone because if i delay a second more, the restaurant is not going to deliver my last meal which means I'll have to sleep on an empty stomach which makes me cranky in the morning and i tend to push my lungs to the limit with the sticks. Which is not a good thing by the way since I'm trying to quit. That's another story..
So anyways, i finally find my phone and dial in the number for the place that has been serving me amazing food for the past 2 weeks and i absolutely love them. I don't even have to tell them where I'm calling from. They know this guy called Eshan who lives at door number 28 is going to call them almost everyday and order the same bloody thing. The Chicken Tikka is really that good, trust me. So, i dial the number and wait for it to connect but, to my surprise a lady over the phone informs me that the number is switched off. I disconnect it, and dial again, and again, and again just to see if she would say something different. For a second i was smirking and wondering if she ever got tired but then my stomach growled and said "Quit fucking around, will you? I'm dying here."
I looked at the clock to see the hands showing me a sharp 11. I was suddenly freaking out, i needed food. My stomach was now screaming and begging me to do something and something quick. So, i did the most sensible thing i could think of at the moment. I lit a cigarette...and quickly decided to run to the restaurant which is just a few meters away. Yes! I still order on the phone instead of going there.
By this time my stomach started to ache and i mean really fucking bad and as i saw the signboard saying in bright red "Indian In A Box" suddenly switch off, i could imagine my stomach burst into tears.I ran up to the entrance and asked if there was anything to eat and all i got was a hand waving to me. I was sad, i was dreading going back home and tossing and turning in bed with my stomach grumbling. I threw my smoke down and started dragging myself back home when i suddenly saw a small cafe right next to the restaurant which looked like it was closing as well. Still, i wanted to give it a try. I walked up to the cafe and asked them if they had something to eat and i sounded really desperate. They told me that they just closed and they were about to leave but that didn't stop me from begging them for something, anything even if it was something green. There were 3 guys and by the look of it 2 were cooks and one of them was i think the owner. Finally they looked at each other and decided to open up the counter again, and give me some food. FUCK! God bless these kind souls i thought. They were actually nice enough to offer me a chair to sit while they prepared my chicken pasta, a katti roll, some bread and a cold coffee. The owner looked at me and somehow he knew i was relieved and to celebrate he asked if i smoked. Hell yeah i smoke i said like he had just read my mind.
I took the smoke and sat down thinking why i have never noticed this place before. It's not like it's new, it's been around for ages, i could tell with the carvings on the wall which said "Ronnie was here" and some other lame shit. While i was lost in thought about the place, one of them came up to me with my dinner on a tray but i just wanted to go home and have dinner and let these guys call it a day. After all,they are very kind people. So i took the bag, paid an extra 20 bucks for the sweet favor, said thanks like a million times, wished them goodnight and started walking back home with a smile on my face and the warmth of hot pasta on my hands.
I have to tell my friends about this i thought but suddenly realized that i didn't recall seeing a name of the cafe. I turned back and started looking for the sign which was barely visible. I walked back a few steps and saw a small piece of paper on the wall next to the cafe which read : Pasta, Katti Rolls and Cold Coffee and just below in a smaller bold font it read CAFE KHATTA(which means sour for those who don't know Hindi). I smiled again and walked back home thinking how the small Cafe Khatta had done the sweetest thing by just extending their work hours just to give one person a hearty meal.
My stomach is now fast asleep and won't bother me for another few hours, hopefully. Now, i think i'll have pasta and rolls for dinner everyday. Cold coffee sucked though. *chomp* *chomp*
So anyways, i finally find my phone and dial in the number for the place that has been serving me amazing food for the past 2 weeks and i absolutely love them. I don't even have to tell them where I'm calling from. They know this guy called Eshan who lives at door number 28 is going to call them almost everyday and order the same bloody thing. The Chicken Tikka is really that good, trust me. So, i dial the number and wait for it to connect but, to my surprise a lady over the phone informs me that the number is switched off. I disconnect it, and dial again, and again, and again just to see if she would say something different. For a second i was smirking and wondering if she ever got tired but then my stomach growled and said "Quit fucking around, will you? I'm dying here."
I looked at the clock to see the hands showing me a sharp 11. I was suddenly freaking out, i needed food. My stomach was now screaming and begging me to do something and something quick. So, i did the most sensible thing i could think of at the moment. I lit a cigarette...and quickly decided to run to the restaurant which is just a few meters away. Yes! I still order on the phone instead of going there.
By this time my stomach started to ache and i mean really fucking bad and as i saw the signboard saying in bright red "Indian In A Box" suddenly switch off, i could imagine my stomach burst into tears.I ran up to the entrance and asked if there was anything to eat and all i got was a hand waving to me. I was sad, i was dreading going back home and tossing and turning in bed with my stomach grumbling. I threw my smoke down and started dragging myself back home when i suddenly saw a small cafe right next to the restaurant which looked like it was closing as well. Still, i wanted to give it a try. I walked up to the cafe and asked them if they had something to eat and i sounded really desperate. They told me that they just closed and they were about to leave but that didn't stop me from begging them for something, anything even if it was something green. There were 3 guys and by the look of it 2 were cooks and one of them was i think the owner. Finally they looked at each other and decided to open up the counter again, and give me some food. FUCK! God bless these kind souls i thought. They were actually nice enough to offer me a chair to sit while they prepared my chicken pasta, a katti roll, some bread and a cold coffee. The owner looked at me and somehow he knew i was relieved and to celebrate he asked if i smoked. Hell yeah i smoke i said like he had just read my mind.
I took the smoke and sat down thinking why i have never noticed this place before. It's not like it's new, it's been around for ages, i could tell with the carvings on the wall which said "Ronnie was here" and some other lame shit. While i was lost in thought about the place, one of them came up to me with my dinner on a tray but i just wanted to go home and have dinner and let these guys call it a day. After all,they are very kind people. So i took the bag, paid an extra 20 bucks for the sweet favor, said thanks like a million times, wished them goodnight and started walking back home with a smile on my face and the warmth of hot pasta on my hands.
I have to tell my friends about this i thought but suddenly realized that i didn't recall seeing a name of the cafe. I turned back and started looking for the sign which was barely visible. I walked back a few steps and saw a small piece of paper on the wall next to the cafe which read : Pasta, Katti Rolls and Cold Coffee and just below in a smaller bold font it read CAFE KHATTA(which means sour for those who don't know Hindi). I smiled again and walked back home thinking how the small Cafe Khatta had done the sweetest thing by just extending their work hours just to give one person a hearty meal.
My stomach is now fast asleep and won't bother me for another few hours, hopefully. Now, i think i'll have pasta and rolls for dinner everyday. Cold coffee sucked though. *chomp* *chomp*
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